I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
