The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
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You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
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I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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