Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
