We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
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