Taylor Swift is so right about you.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
