Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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