You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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