Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
