now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize