She said her name was "party"
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I want a musical about memes.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
