I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
