Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
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And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
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Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.