she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...