My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
