I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
