What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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