Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
