no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
