my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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