I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
