I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
