So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
