I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
