I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
