I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
