Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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