My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You're like the curious george of whores
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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