at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Found the puke drawer
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
