Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Nicole vs. Life
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
