So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
