So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
