she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
