It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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