I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
