I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
