Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
