I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
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