did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
love makes seman taste better
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
