Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
