you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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