Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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