Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
