I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
you're hired as official boob wrangler
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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