I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
