ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
