Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize