Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
