i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
