I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
