I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You have to summon your inner elephant
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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