then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
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Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
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I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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