god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
