The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
