Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
