Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
