like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize