Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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