I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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