I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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