I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
