This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
