she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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