I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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