also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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