I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
