I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
